Develop your own pleasure inventory. Get out your journal and list all the things that give you pleasure including foods, people, places and activities.  This is a simple but challenging exercise for many of us. What really gives you pleasure?  How do you know?  What does pleasure feel like to you?  Become more aware of pleasure in your life.  When you notice it…breathe it in. Taste it with all your senses.  Enjoy it, knowing that through pleasure you are healing mind, body and spirit.

- our emotional reaction is out of proportion to what has happened.

- there is a big sudden shift in emotions and we go from feeling “fine” to feeling “not fine” in an instant.

Psychological raw spots can be directly related to when an important psychological need is being thwarted or ignored in the moment, or can occur when something in the present (usually subconsciously) reminds us of something psychologically difficult from the past.

To find our raw spots we need to notice times when they’re triggered and then try to figure out what about the situation is triggering your raw spot. The following list contains examples of what types of situations might trigger raw spot reactions.

Examples of Raw Spot Triggers

1. When you’re being excluded from a group
2. When someone isn’t valuing you or the work you do
3. When you’ve got an important ambition/dream that other people aren’t interested in or seem to doubt your ability to achieve
4. When a conversation partner is misunderstanding what you’re try to say, or not acknowledging the point you’re making
5. When someone turns away from you physically (e.g. doesn’t respond to your touch, doesn’t give you their full attention while you’re trying to talk)
6. Criticism, jokes, or mocking about something that’s fundamental to which you are as a person
7. When someone tells your feelings aren’t valid or that your feelings are unreasonable
8. When you feel only “conditionally accepted” (as opposed to unconditionally accepted)
9. When you think someone dislikes you or views you negatively
10. When you communicate a need to someone you trust and it gets ignored, minimized, mocked, or criticized e.g. you signal that you need comforting or support and don’t get it
11. When you think someone is judging you as not good enough, worthless, or not as good as someone else
12. When you think someone is trying to control you
13. When you want to explore/take risks and can’t
14. When someone doesn’t appreciate your skills, is not giving you enough autonomy or won’t let you use the skills you have
15. When someone is trying to change you or make you into something you’re not
16. When you’re not believed. When you’re unsure “Will you believe me if I tell you something?”
17. When you’re unsure about whether someone will you protect you from harm or defend you
18. You think someone is telling you don’t deserve something

All of the above are general areas of emotional raw spots. Try to identify the specific trigger situations that activate a particular raw spot.

Raw Spot Emotional Responses

Journalling can help you identify and express which specific emotions you feel when your raw spot gets triggered? Sadness? Anger? Shame? Fear? Rage? Anxiety? A combination of these?

Usually we can recognize one predominant feeling  It will help you deal with your raw spots if you can identify all the emotions you’re having when your raw spot is triggered rather than only recognizing the strongest emotion or not recognizing emotions that are difficult for you to acknowledge.

How do Raw Spots Develop

Often raw spots develop out of a pattern of previous hurts and unmet needs.

Ask yourself – what times in the past did I have similar emotions?

What times in the past were my psychological needs (those related to your raw spot) not met?
Often these memories will relate to times when parents or past relationship partners couldn’t meet your psychological/emotional needs.  The purpose of this exercise is not to assign blame to anyone. The reality is that everybody has experienced times when there was a miss between what was needed and what was available to you.  It is part of our humanity.

How to Deal with Raw Spots

1. Once you know your raw spots you’ll be able to recognize when the strength of your reaction is based on things from the past as well as what’s happening in the present. This can help you have more reasonable expectations in the present because you can remind yourself to separate present/past issues and work on solving the current issue.

2. Raw spot activation can cause very high levels of physiological arousal. Beyond a certain level when people’s emotions are very stirred up they can’t process information or reason effectively.  The activation of your raw spot turns off the thinking/reasoning part of the brain.  We never are wise or kind in those moments.  When you are triggered, get some space from the person or situation triggering the raw spot until the intensity of your emotions subsides. Your emotions will naturally subside (emotions are designed to be temporary) and when they do you’ll be able to get better perspective on the situation and be better able to talk through the issue without being emotionally overwhelmed.

3. Keep trying to communicate the psychological/emotional need underlying your raw spot. Try different ways of communicating and different avenues to get that psychological need met. Try not to take it personally if someone isn’t meeting one of your psychological needs. It might not mean they don’t care. It might be more related to them not having the psychological/emotional skills to respond to you.

4. Counselling can help you understand and emotionally process a raw spot so that it is less reactive, less raw.

A good relationship can help each other overcome past hurts (e.g. resolve past trust issues). When partners can do this for each other, it helps to build relationship closeness.

The trainer says this but my doctor says that. My friend tried this. I tried that.  Soy is good, now its bad.  Potatoes – depends. Carbs – as long as they aren’t white – unless its low glycemic rice.  And on and on.

That’s why many people decide to consult with a registered dietitian nutritionist.

We are uniquely trained to help you integrate the latest evidence based nutrition information with your own body wisdom, intuition, personal experience, preferences, cravings and traditions. Working together with facts from science and information from your body and your life, we can develop a personalized nutrition plan for you that is healthful, pleasurable and sustainable.”

Carl Jung, Stages of Life

it is a conscious way to affirm ourselves and by doing so, we leave less room for toxic thoughts that can contaminate the body mind.  Negative self judgment such as  ”I shouldn’t be eating this” , “there are 30 grams of fat in this” or even “I’m being good today eating this food” are toxic thoughts that connect to the body’s stress response interfering with metabolism and digestion.

Eating is not about being good or bad.  Nourishment is not about numbers.  Healthy eating is about mindfully feeding ourselves good ‘clean’ food because we deserve to be nourished.  And our biology responds to that intention.

Experiment yourself with offering a simple prayer of gratitude before each meal, snack or drink.  It can be silent or shared.  Whatever is comfortable.  Close your eyes, take a breathe, connect with your heart and say thank you for the nourishment you are about to receive.  If you want you can thank the people who grew the food, the people who brought it to you, prepared it and served.

It’s beautifully simple and powerful.  By blessing our food, we are somehow blessed

Let’s update our cupboards and our thinking about nutrition with a nutrition makeover.

Everything in life has a rhythm and life continually brings us opportunities for fresh starts. A new morning, a new season, a new year, a new love – all times when we can choose to be more real, more authentic, more loving. I am inspired by each person in my life who chooses to make room for what nourishes them.

For some of us, we may not know or can’t remember what nourishes us.  This can happen when we go through extended periods of overwork, trauma, stress or just too much on the plate. One way to rediscover our joy is to go back to the basics.  We can detox or clear the body, mind and spirit so there is space for new inspiration, ideas and insight.

Clearing the body, we simplify the diet, and practice slowly eating clean whole foods.  Slow mindful eating is the most important way to improve diet, digestion and metabolism.  Focus on eating seasonal vegetables, legumes, gluten free whole grains (brown rice, quinoa, barley), nuts, seeds and cold expressed oils with only small amounts of probiotic yogurt, deep-sea fish and organic meats/poultry.

Clearing the mind, we commit to gratitude and not complaining. The Artists Way suggests that you just wake up and write three pages as a stream of conscious writing each morning.  Write anything and everything that comes to you without editing.  Burn it after if you need to. It’s simple and powerful.

Clearing the spirit, we look for ways to turn inwards and settle into stillness.  A practice of yoga or meditation helps us calm the stirring within us.  In the settling, we are refreshed, clear and wiser.

With a clean clear body, mind and spirit, we can better know what makes our body sing and our soul nourished.

May we care about and for ourselves.
May we all recover or discover what brings joy.
May our joy and nourishment, nourish others.

]]> http://www.victoriapawlowski.com/?feed=rss2&p=1523 0 http://www.victoriapawlowski.com/?p=840 http://www.victoriapawlowski.com/?p=840#comments Sun, 11 Dec 2011 05:43:10 +0000 admin http://www.victoriapawlowski.com/?p=840 For all its wonder and excitement, the holiday season often means added stress to an already full plate. Many people are looking for help on how to get through the holidays. There is much fear that without the usual amount of restraint and self-discipline, everything will get out of control. People are anxiously asking what to eat, how to manage, what to avoid, what to count.

Although there are some common sense things we can do (drinking extra water and green tea, balancing macro-nutrients, supplementing with key nutrients, maintaining our exercise) I wonder if the holiday season is even meant to be controlled, managed or restrained. Feasting is an important part of life in every culture and it may be that by making space for feasting, we also create space in our lives for restraint at other times.  A matter of balance and rhythm.

Marc David, Director of the Institute for the Psychology of Eating, suggests that people just go for it during the holidays.

“…the more we fear the gorging, the food, the pleasure of it all,
the more we live in fear. And fear is perhaps the most unsavory
and anti-nutritious ingredient in any meal.”

Anxiety, stress and fear all stimulate the stress response which interferes with digestion, metabolism and pleasure. So my ‘tip’ for getting through the season, is to slow down and enjoy it all. Breathing will help. Take deep breathes often throughout the day. Your body will respond. Feel the breathe in your body.  Feel your body. Scan your body from top to toes, noticing sensations.  Breathe into them.  Then choose to eat whatever foods you truly love, with those you love and with slow mindful pleasure.

May we all feel nourished this feasting season.

]]> http://www.victoriapawlowski.com/?feed=rss2&p=840 0 http://www.victoriapawlowski.com/?p=1150 http://www.victoriapawlowski.com/?p=1150#comments Mon, 28 Nov 2011 11:44:34 +0000 admin http://www.victoriapawlowski.com/?p=1150 When I meet with clients, I am interested in getting a picture of what a day in their life looks like.  I am looking to see if there is a daily rhythm of care and connection, movement, rest, nourishment, play, reflection and intimacy.  The body loves rhythm and health needs rhythm.  Health also needs love, and I am also curious about whether or not they are feeling loved at this point in their lives.

Dean Ornish in his book Love & Survival, talks about the power of love and intimacy to profoundly affect our health and protect us from disease.  Although Dr. Ornish is best known for his pioneering work with reversing heart disease through a vegan diet, his work with thousands of people led him to see that despite the best diet and lifestyle conditions, health and survival was higher in people who felt loved and connected in their lives.

I think this is a good reminder that while supplements, organic foods and exercise all contribute to health, there is something bigger going on in our lives that is holding us together. The healing power of connection and love.

If you are feeling loved in your life right now, take a moment to appreciate this blessing in your life.  It is so sweet.  Pass it forward. Look people in the eyes and smile at them. Acknowledge acts of kindness. Be generous with allowing for the humanity of others. Feel the love and shine with it.

If you not feeling loved right now, know that life changes moment by moment. Anything is possible. Love and health are all around waiting to be invited in.  The first step is in opening mind and heart to this possibility.

May we all feel loved.

Unfortunately, many, many people feel anxious about their eating. There seems to be a huge gap between what people think they should eat, what they want to eat, and what they are able to manage around eating given their lifestyle.

It doesn’t need to be so difficult. The body is designed for real food.  Whole Foods. Lots of plant foods. And the body is designed to maximize digestion, metabolism and pleasure when we eat slowly. When we eat good foods slowly, the body responds.

Consider the radical act of trusting yourself and your body to know how much you need to eat. If we feed ourselves good quality food, our bodies are better able to self regulate and know when we are hungry and when we are full. Our body will tell us – if we just are quiet enough – if we pay attention. That means getting rid of the distractions like television, blackberries, phones and computers while we eat. We can’t listen if we aren’t paying attention.

So have whole foods around that you enjoy and eat it slowly. Forget about being virtuous about your meals – it only sets people up for over indulgence. Eating is not a moral issue – it is simply one of life’s greatest pleasures – a way to nourish mind, body and spirit. So go ahead, look around, choose from best quality foods that you will enjoy and allow yourself to enjoy life’s pleasures – mindfully.